Two Schools of Thought

So, rather than just jump into what's been going on this week, as I normally would, I've decided to post about something that's been on my mind lately. Over the past few years basically everything I've done has either failed or has been a very muted and limited success. I won't bore you with all the details, but I will hit the highlights. Over the last six years I've: Rewritten the Console Classix server application and moved it into the Amazon cloud, rewritten the Console Classix browser in SDL, added the N64 to Console Classix, updated all Console Classix emulators, written two books, started a network engineering side business, started writing my own video game, and built a house. In truth there are probably more little things I've tried (like my Adwords advertising campaign for Console Classix) that are just slipping through the cracks of my mind at the moment.


It's been more than six years since the first big “well, that didn't work at all” moment that I can point to as the beginning of my series of failures. I'm hoping (and earnestly praying) that this is merely “seven years of famine” that I'm going through. If that's the case then I expect to have a major turn around this October. (That also happens to be the month I'll get my first royalty check from Worlds of Magic if all goes as planned.) Hope, they say, springs eternal and all I can do is hope for better days. I've plowed and planted year after year, but the harvest comes from the Lord.


Another thing I've been dealing with, that I feel would certainly frustrate most people, is a dwindling income. Just over six years ago I was making as much (or more) as I would have working for another company. I had a staff of people working under me and a very strong business. Every month we brought in more money than we had the month before. However, in October 2007 that all began to change. I made the first in what proved to be a series of financial blunders. I ended up buried in debt with Console Classix' income falling month by month.


Since that all began I've lost income every time I've lost a bill or payed off a debt. This has happened with almost unbelievable exactness. If I paid off a $500 a month bill Console Classix' income would drop by $500 a month. If I paid off $1000 bill it would drop by $1000. It even happened sometimes that when I would go out to earn “extra” money that we would have a hiccup and Console Classix would bring in less money than expected that month by almost just the extra amount I had earned. For over six years we've had essentially the same amount of money no matter what I've done. It's been just enough to cover our expenses and nothing more. I've tried many, many things (including looking for another “day job” at one point), but nothing has changed our income by more than a few dollars.


Now, there are basically two ways to look at all this. The first is that God is holding me back. That He is making sure that I never get ahead. When I make more money he increases my bills, when I lower my bills he reduces my income. No matter what I put my hand to he gives me failure. This is a popular belief. More than likely you have run into someone who believes this about their own lives. I, however, do not.


Everything that has happened in my life up to this point leads me to believe that the second possibility is true. I, and my family, are currently going through one of the straights of life. All lives have them, from those of kings on their golden thrones to those of the poor who live on the streets of New Dehli. We all experience highs and lows, feasts and famines. That's just the nature of life. The Lord tests us in the extremes of both success and failure. Many men have gone bankrupt and committed suicide as a result. Many have found their riches hollow and killed themselves because of it. Both extremes test us, both show God just what we're made of. I have been tested by success and I am now tested by failure. I don't think the Lord has done this to me. This is just life and life does it to you sometimes, lol.


So, why have my failures risen to match my successes? In short: They haven't. You see, what I believe the Lord has actually done is maintain my income as long as I need it. He has left me wanting, but never needing. He has made sure that I have enough to pay my bills. Only when my bills are lowered does he allow life to lower my income. He sees expenses I don't expect coming at me and gives me extra work so I can make extra money so that the unexpected cost doesn't ruin me financially. I'm sailing through dire straights, but the Lord isn't pushing me toward the rocks! Time and time again he grabs the bow of my ship and shoves is clear of a breaker that would sink me. He's watching over me, guiding me, protecting me, and he'll continue to do so until the day I breath my last.


I'm in turbulent waters, but, Lord willing, I'm almost at the end of it. I believe I see smooth seas ahead. It's my hope and my prayer that by this October I'll be sailing in them. :)


Well, anyways, that's enough philosophy for now, lol. So, what have we been doing this week? One of the things we've done is play in the snow. I'm certain you've noticed that “snow” is the theme of most of the pictures today. It's kindof a rare event down south. We haven't had snow in the last few years. And, of course, with all the global warming going on who knows if we'll even see snow again (← Sarcasm). The kids loved it and Rachel even made a snow woman and snow baby. The best part of it was that it melted before it became a mess, lol. The North East is still dealing with terrible winter weather, but it's 70 degrees here in Jackson at the moment and according to Beauregard Lee (the South's version of Punxsutawney Phil) there's going to be an early spring. As you can imagine I'm thrilled, lol.


Other than our “snow day” it's been business as usual. I've been working on Worlds of Magic and playing my little heart out. In fact, I'm ready to get back to it now. Expect to hear from me again next week. For now: Goodnight from South Carolina!